Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
