There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Vodka?
Forever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
