My hair reeks of homosexuality.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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