Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
