Me too!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
