dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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