I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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