Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well you can't waste a boner
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
