I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
