That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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