I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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