Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
