Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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