2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
