just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
