32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
