The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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