"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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