It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize