im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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