We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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