Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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