That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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