smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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