i think my tv is drunk
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
