Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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