Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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