i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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