Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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