dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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