and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
