I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize