So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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