you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
