just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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