I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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