just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
