how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
