Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
