Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
