all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
