She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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