Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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