You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
