I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
