So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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