Say something about gay babies.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
