Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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