I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
