Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
