Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
