saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
