Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
