What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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