Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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