I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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