i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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