Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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